Youth is confusing time especially in the matters of relationship. Feelings of love, attraction, fear engulfs the mind all at once.

How to Select a Life Partner

There are two aspects – Emotional aspect and Rational aspect to consider before you make a choice.

  • Emotional Aspect: You should talk about yourself freely. Talk about your job, your friends. How do you spend time? Let him talk about him and his life.

If you feel attracted to him and enjoy his company that is the time to explore if you are compatible.

  • Share your passion. Having something common and sharing dreams connect people closely. Going for long walks, Interest in literature, Wild life – whatever you like to do, share it.
  • If you have a hobby, share it too. Which kind of books are you reading? How do you spend your free time?
  • Are you sharing the same values? If you are moral and he is corrupt, conflicts may arise in the relationship.
  • Discuss Life Goal, your ambition or vision of life. Are you looking for career change? Further studies?
  • Are you social? Are you party animal? Does he invite friends over?
  • Does he smoke/ drink? Do you?
  • What is your definition of good life Partner? Write in detail. Rank them according to your priorities.

I remember why my heart was set on my husband on the first meeting. My criterion was that a man should be modern in his outlook. We had met on a beach. We kept walking and talking. Part of the conversation went like this.

I: Do you expect your wife to help you get ready when you go to the office, you know, like giving kerchief and watch?

He: Is it a stone age? No.

I: I can cook basic stuff. How about you? (Notice- girl asking a man if he can cook)

He: I can cook. I can throw party for friends.

I: Do you want a working wife or a housewife?

He: It depends on her. It’s her life but if you are working, you have a reason to wake up in the morning.

I knew he was a man for me.

Manage expectations. You will not get everything. Also, use this as a broad guideline. Do not go for frivolous things like looks, money. These things do not last forever.

  • Are you a night or day person? Some people like to sleep early and start their day early. Others prefer to sleep late. If you have a same sleep cycle, you will enjoy.
  • Observe the person’s body language. Is he/she tensed? Relaxed? How does he talk with waiters and taxi drivers? Is the person coming across as aggressive? This gives judgement if you feel connected. You can gauge the person’s general outlook towards life.

With all due diligence, be clear that you only know the tip of the iceberg about the person you are committing your life with. For that matter, you hardly know yourself. This is because human mind is complex. Human beings are the sum total of their experiences, perception and beliefs. They go through innumerable emotions.

You are young, you will evolve and change is inevitable but the basic nature doesn’t change. This is very important aspect.

  • Rational Aspect: Similarities in the following aspects make adjustments in marriage easy. They are:
  1. Financial Background: Imagine this- The boy has just started out and getting settled. The girl belongs to rich family and is used to certain life style. She has flown in flights and now she has to travel in second class train. Are you ready for this change?
  1. Family Background: Having supportive family is important for happy marriage. Some families believe in giving freedom to their children. Some families are more controlling. Check the beliefs of the families.
  2. Customs and Religion: If you are a religious person, this point may be of importance to you.
  1. Food Habits: Vegetarians vs. Non-Vegetarians have a perfect ingredient to create conflicts in married life.
  1. Education.
  1. Region: This is important because region influences your thinking pattern like outlook towards life or your dressing style.

Things You Should Discuss Before Marriage

  1. House work: Discuss about sharing responsibilities. 
  2. Finance:Are both of you planning to work?
    Who will contribute how much for living expenses?
    Are you going to depend on your income? Decide this. If for some reason, say after kid, wife decide to stop working, are you both ready for it?
    If wife is a home maker, will she get pocket money?
  3. Joint family/ Nuclear family – many business families have joint family. Elders have more power and say in the life style.If a girl is from mega city and the husband has migrated from small town. The family’s expectations from daughter-in-law will be different. Be aware of this difference.
  4. Kids. Are you ready for kids? Do you want later? When? How many?

Do not hide anything from each other. Talk freely. If you hide anything, this will bring contempt later on and you do not want to start your relationship on lies. If you feel strongly about certain issues, this is the best time to discuss.

  Should I Go For Arranged Marriage Or Wait For Love To Happen?

This is the question many youngsters have.

Let me answer this question in little detail as a woman who is married for 25 years.

When I was young, I agreed with my parent’s belief that everything has appropriate time and age. Some of my friends found me old fashioned and did not believe in such rules. After 25 years, I can say that life has proved that I was right. Not everybody found love of their life.

Whether it is love marriage or arranged, doesn’t matter if you have proactively selected your partner. If the marriage is arranged, you should meet the person and get to know him/her before making decision.

Some people have doubt if love happens after arranged marriage. Yes, love happens after arranged marriage when two people start caring for each other. So, do not worry.

In the long term, success of marriage depends on the willingness of both the partners to work hard towards making their marriage successful.

Either way, If you start liking the person, let him/her know. Do not let ego come in the way. Do not wait for the other person to give his/her decision. I remember how much I had loved it when my husband had called me before I had reached home after our first meeting. He had chased me with his phone calls. I had found his unabashed keenness charming. We still laugh over it.

So, go ahead and commit your life with the person you feel attracted to and comfortable with.

Next Article: Relationship Tips For Successful And Happy Married Life. 

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